In my last post I wrote that my eye-tracking computer crashed and I was without a computer for three weeks. I also mentioned that MDA was nice enough to lend me the computer I’m now using until I can obtain a replacement. As I said, I am very thankful to MDA for lending equipment and for everything else they do. This isn’t a complaint, it’s just a statement of fact; like me, this computer is old and extremely slow. It is so slow that technical support recommended that I not add any programs (I am typing this post as an email because I thought adding Microsoft Word might kill the computer). So having to learn the new system and having many other limitations has challenged my patience.
For “normal” people, having a broken computer for any period of time would be an inconvenience. But imagine how much more inconvenient that would be if you didn’t have a smart phone or access to any other computer. Now imagine that you’re bound and gagged and for three weeks the only thing you could do was listen to audio books or watch TV. That pretty much describes what my time without a computer was like.
I know that the technology revolution has brought about many negatives for society. The Internet and smart phones have turned many people into social misfits. Even among family and friends, many people now retreat into their own little world of texting or playing games on their phones. But technology has been a true blessing for those with physical and/or mental challenges – people like me and my Autistic nephew.
Since ALS began to paralyze me, I gradually began spending more and more time on the computer. After it became impossible for me to use a standard computer (16 years ago), I discovered software that would allow me to control the computer using a “head mouse.” It is a little box with a beam of light that tracked a mirror-like sticker attached to the front of a cap I would wear. I could move the cursor and type by simply making slight head movements. This system worked well for about four years until my neck started getting too weak to hold my big head up. I was so determined to make it work that I bought a neck brace and, if I had Mary adjust the brace just right, I could still make slight head movements. That worked alright until one day my chin slipped off the front of the brace and I almost choked to death.
It was then that I discovered eye-tracking computers. Instead of a beam of light following a sticker on my cap, eye-tracking computers have a camera that follows eye movements – no neck brace needed! After getting used to using the eye-tracking computer, I was able to use my computer to read the Bible and books, listen to audio books or music, type emails and surf the web, etc. I gradually felt confident enough to volunteer as an Internet Missionary with Global Media Outreach. Then I started this blog.
Even after all these years of using this technology, it still amazes me that we are living in a day when a completely paralyzed person, someone that cannot even speak, can still text and email family and friends and communicate with people all over the world. I appreciate this technology so much more after going three weeks without it. I am really looking forward to getting my new computer so I’ll be able to once again type in Word, read the Bible/books, work with with Global Media Outreach and everything else I was able to do with my other computer.
I had a lot of time to think over those three boring weeks. I realized that, other than a few days of being sick or in the hospital, I’ve never really watched daytime TV and I now know that I wasn’t missing anything. After a while, the TV became more annoying than my mother-in-law’s white noise machine!
My whole adult life, even with the extreme fatigue of ALS, I’ve always been an early riser. I envied people who could sleep-in and take naps. During the time I was without a computer, one of the first things I realized was that I’ve always gotten out of bed early because I had a purpose for doing so. If I was just going to listen to an audio book or watch TV, I could do that from the comfort of my bed. I began losing my desire to even get out of bed and became kind of depressed.
Over the years I’ve learned to look for the lessons in every challenge I face, and this challenge taught me about the importance of purpose. Ilearned that a lack of purpose, or not being able to fulfill your purpose, is a big cause of depression. I also believe that God has a purpose for everyone, even for the “least of us.”
Purpose: the feeling of being determined to do or achieve something: the aim or goal of a person: what a person is trying to do, become, etc.
In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, Paul uses the human body as an analogy for the body of Christ (the Church): “But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired…there are many members, but one body…the members of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary…” (1 Corinthians 12:18-22). That is so encouraging to “weaker” members like me.
Our purpose doesn’t have to be great, by man’s standards, but I don’t believe it’s possible to live with joy, peace and hope without feeling like you’re giving others a reason to have joy, peace and hope. God’s purposes for us always involve the betterment of others. If you don’t know God’s purpose for you, begin helping and encouraging others. Ultimately this is His purpose for all of us.